The Whole Freaking Series With Rose
by Dead Composer
Summary: Randomly selected scenes from the classic series with Rose added. You know it's what you want.
1. Chapter 1

**The Ribos Operation, Episode 1**

The Fourth Doctor, stunned by a powerful white light shooting through the door of the TARDIS, tossed his scarf over his shoulder and marched ahead boldly. On the opposite end of the shaft of light, a bearded man rested on a patio chair, sipping a margarita.

"Who are you?" the Doctor inquired of the strange man. "Are you God?"

The man chuckled. "Not remotely. God lives in a mansion about five blocks from here. At least I _think_ he does—no one's ever seen him. I," he said boomingly, "am the White Guardian."

The Doctor nodded reverently. "I'm honored. What do you want with _me?_"

"I need you," replied the White Guardian, "to seek out the pieces of the Key to Time, which are scattered throughout time and space."

"Oh, come now," said the Doctor incredulously. "Finding the missing pieces of an all-powerful ancient artifact? That's the oldest, stalest plot in the universe. I can't help you now; I'm busy rescuing some astronauts from a race of technologically advanced aliens who are trying to understand the human concept of love by forcing them to mate."

"Very well," said the White Guardian disappointedly. "I'll find another hero…Buck Rogers, perhaps."

The Doctor's jaw dropped. "Not _him!_ He slept through 500 years of scientific advancements. What use is he to you? All right, I'm in."

"Excellent," said the White Guardian, tenting his fingers. "The task will be fraught with danger, so I've arranged to pair you up with a soulmate."

"A soul-_what?_" said the Doctor. "I'm not familiar with that term."

"And another thing," said the old man. "_Beware the Black Guardian_."

"There's a _black_ Guardian?" said the Doctor with surprise. "What is this, Affirmative Action?"

"You will know him when you see him," said the White Guardian. "He wears a crow on his head."

"What if I meet him in Paris?" asked the Doctor.

He suddenly reappeared next to the TARDIS console, the words "_Beware the Black Guardian_" echoing in his head. "Beware the Black Guardian, eh?" he muttered to himself. "Why, pray tell, should a man's motives be called into question merely because of the color of his aura?"

A sweet voice called to him. "Hello, Doctor."

He whirled, and saw standing across the console a gorgeous woman with long blond hair, dressed in a white silk gown that reached to her sequined slippers and perfect feet. The Doctor knew instantly, without having to ask questions, that this woman was incomparably beautiful, incomparably amazing, and incomparably his soulmate.

"My name is Rosannadvoratrelundar," she told him.

"That's too long," remarked the Doctor. "By the time I say that, you'll already be in the arms of another man. I'll call you Rose."

* * *

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**The Hand of Fear**

Rose and the Doctor, after sharing a deep, succulent kiss, threw open the TARDIS doors jubilantly. "Let's find out which beautiful planet we've landed on," said the Doctor.

Rose glanced about incredulously. "I fink it's a rock quarry," she said to her handsome Time Lord teddy bear.

"A rock quarry?" said the Doctor, astonished. "Ye gods, not again!"

"You fink maybe the TARDIS brought us here for a reason?" Rose suggested. "For all we know, there's an ancient evil buried under all this rubble."

"Let it _stay_ buried," said the Doctor firmly. "My universe-saving days are behind me."

"I sorta miss it, though," said Rose. "Goin' from one planet to the next, fightin' Daleks, and vampires, and the Devil…"

"Fiddle-faddle," said the Doctor. "The universe is protected by Buck Rogers now. You, my darling, and I have a far more important mission—to snog each other whenever the temptation arises."

And snog they did, for eight blissful minutes. As their lips parted, Rose exclaimed in ecstasy, "I never want it to end!"

"It _won't_ end," the Doctor assured her. "Thanks to the miracle of time travel, we can repeat our honeymoon as many times as we like, up to and including infinity."

They leaned in to kiss, only to be thrown off their feet by a terrific explosion.

The Doctor, momentarily stunned, brushed the dust and pebbles from his overcoat and scarf. Standing up, he observed to his horror that Rose was lying unconscious on her back. More disconcerting still, she was holding on to a hand, and it wasn't _his_.

"Wake up, Rose!" he cried, kneeling beside her. "You can't die now…not after I stranded Sarah Jane on Metabilis III so I could be with you!"

"Ungh…urgh…" moaned Rose, clinging tightly to the fossilized hand she had accidentally discovered.

"Oh, good, you're coming around," said the Doctor. "I couldn't stand to lose you, Rose. I don't know how I lived without you for 900 years."

The blonde sat up abruptly, her eyes steely, her expression grim. "Eldrad…must…live," she muttered robotically.

"What…?" said the Doctor.

"Eldrad," said Rose, glaring at him without emotion. "Must. Live."

"Oh, I see you're possessed," said the Doctor. "Not to worry. The power of our love for each other will drive out whatever timorous beastie has invaded your voluptuous body."

Bending over, he pressed his lips against Rose's in a kiss of such intense passion that the ground shook beneath them. (The explosions in the quarry contributed as well.)

Rose, nonetheless, remained cold as metal. "We must take the hand to a nuclear power facility, and irradiate it within the reactor core," she stated. "Then Eldrad will live."

"All right, all right," said the defeated Doctor. "I'll cooperate willingly. Do what you want to the human race, but don't hurt my Rose."

_Minutes later…_

"I'm finally free of that horrible fing," gushed Rose, her arms earnestly wrapped around the Doctor's waist. "I swear, I'll never hold anyone else's hand for as long as I live, which will be a long, long time because of the residual time vortex energy inside my body."

"We're not out of the woods yet," said the Doctor, his eyes fixed on the viewscreen. "The hand is absorbing incredible amounts of radiation—even more than a package of Jiffy Pop can withstand. It's mutating…getting bigger…curvier…"

Not much time passed before a naked female figure materialized inside the reactor. "Wait," said the Doctor, gawking at her. "I know where I've seen those boobs before."

"Stop staring at her boobs," Rose chided him.

"My interest in boobs is purely analytical," said the Doctor. "Except for yours, of course. They make me hot."

The strange blond girl strode forward, the steel wall of the reactor chamber melting as she passed through. "I am Eldrad," she proclaimed in a deep, menacing voice. "I live!"

"In that case, our business here is done," said the Doctor, grabbing Rose's elbow. "Must dash."

"Wait!" Eldrad commanded. "Perhaps you, Doctor, can explain why I have regenerated into this odd, yet beguiling, form."

"That…that's _my_ form!" Rose blurted out. "She looks like _I_ did, when I ate the space-time continuum."

"Now I understand," said Eldrad, glowering at her. "Not having a sufficient amount of my own DNA available, I had to borrow some of _yours_."

"You have to admit, she's _terribly_ sexy," said the Doctor to Rose. "In an analytical sort of way."

"This is unacceptable!" Eldrad ranted. "Already I can feel this body jiggling in uncomfortable and distracting ways. I must return to my home planet, where a device awaits that will restore me to my true form. And _you_ will take me there, Doctor!"

"_Me?_" said the Time Lord. "Why, I'd be honored. However, my wife must approve of all guests…"

"She's _not_ coming with us!" said Rose, stamping her foot.

"What, then?" said the Doctor. "Leave her here on Earth, with the whole of humanity powerless to resist her?"

"I'm afraid _you'll_ be powerless to resist her," said Rose, her voice breaking. "Just look at her. She's exactly like me in every detail. How will you tell the difference between us?"

"Oh, please," scoffed the Doctor. "It wasn't your pretty face or your bootylicious curves that made me fall in love with you. The moment I laid eyes on you, I just _knew_, as if the very heart of the universe was screaming it into my ears with the voice of a million fangirls."

"I have no patience for such foolish prattle, Doctor," said Eldrad. "Perhaps you will speak more sensibly if I _destroy_ the fangirls who have clouded your mind so."

With a glib snap of her fingers, Eldrad compelled all of the world's Rose/Doctor shippers to suffer aneurysms and drop dead.

"Now you've gone a bit too far, Eldrad," said the Doctor, reaching into his pocket. "I'm afraid I'll have to dispose of you." Pulling out his trusty sonic screwdriver, he pointed the business end at Eldrad and pushed several buttons at once. The would-be conqueror promptly dissolved into a puddle of blond muck.

"Thanks, Doctor," said Rose. "She was starting to get on my nerves."

The Time Lord shot her a condescending look. "You're that shopgirl I rescued from the Autons," he recalled. "I married you, didn't I? My, that was fun. Come, let's get you home. Your mum should be worried sick by now."

"Sure fing, Doctor," said Rose.

As he led her away, the Doctor thought about the sincere apology he'd have to offer to Sarah Jane, assuming she hadn't already been eaten by giant spiders.

* * *

More to come…


	3. Chapter 3

**Resurrection of the Daleks: Finale**

Rose turned to face the Fifth Doctor in the old warehouse, her eyes filled with regret. "I'm not coming with you, Doctor," she said solemnly. "My mum Jackie always told me, when something stops being fun, to stop doing it. Well, it's stopped being fun. Too many good people have died today."

Every word stung the Doctor's hearts like a bayonet. "No, Rose," he pleaded. "Not like _this_…"

"I love you, Doctor," said Rose. "I'll miss you."

The Doctor extended his arms in a desperate attempt to throw them around her, but she had already hurried through the door and onto the cobblestone street. The hope in his eyes washed away by bitter tears, he stumbled back to the TARDIS.

Rose watched from behind a doorway as the blue box faded. "Brave heart, Rose," she urged herself. "Oh, Doctor, I _will_ miss you."

The walls of the console room, bare as they were, had never felt barer. The Doctor had lost her. Lost his Rose. Lost the most amazing girl in the universe, the girl whose love had inspired him to cross the galaxy back and forth, to battle demons and tyrants, to sing countless karaoke songs, to leave Tegan Jovanka in the lurch at Heathrow Airport. The girl he loved. "Rose," he muttered sadly. "Oh, Rose, Rose, Rose. Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose…"

Into the room stepped a certain red-headed young man, his expression sheepish. "If I may, Doctor…" he said solicitously.

"It's no use, Turlough," said the Doctor miserably. "You'll never be her. _None_ of you will ever be her."

His sharpness startled the lad. "You could at least _look_ at me," he said woundedly.

The Doctor only leaned against the console, his eyes red with anguish. _Rose, Rose, Rose…_ he repeated in his mind.

Sighing despondently, Turlough yanked the blond wig from his head and reached back to unbutton his dress.


End file.
